“I saw the car, Dad.  Please don’t yell at me when I’m driving.”

My voice was measured and steady, sounding far calmer than I really felt.

Dad glared at me, then turned away and settled back.  At home I left Dad in front of the television and went outside to collect my thoughts.  Dark, heavy clouds hung in the air with a promise of rain.  The rumble of distant thunder seemed to echo my inner turmoil.  What could I do about him?

Dad had been a lumberjack in Washington and Oregon.  He had enjoyed being outdoors and had reveled in pitting his strength against the forces of nature.  He had entered grueling lumberjack competitions, and had placed often.  The shelves in his house were filled with trophies that attested to his prowess.

The years marched on relentlessly. The first time he couldn’t lift a heavy log, he joked about it; but later that same day I saw him outside alone, straining to lift it. He became irritable whenever anyone teased him about his advancing age, or when he couldn’t do something he had done as a younger man.

Four days after his sixty-seventh birthday, he had a heart attack.  An ambulance sped him to the hospital while a paramedic administered CPR to keep blood and oxygen flowing.

At the hospital, Dad was rushed into an operating room.  He was lucky; he survived.  But something inside Dad died.  His zest for life was gone.  He obstinately refused to follow doctor’s orders.  Suggestions and offers of help were turned aside with sarcasm and insults.  The number of visitors thinned, then finally stopped altogether.  Dad was left alone.

My husband, Dick, and I asked Dad to come live with us on our small farm.  We hoped the fresh air and rustic atmosphere would help him adjust.

Within a week after he moved in, I regretted the invitation.  It seemed nothing was satisfactory.  He criticized everything I did.  I became frustrated and moody.  Soon I was taking my pent-up anger out on Dick.  We began to bicker and argue.

Alarmed, Dick sought out our pastor and explained the situation.  The clergyman set up weekly counseling appointments for us.  At the close of each session he prayed, asking God to soothe Dad’s troubled mind.

But the months wore on and God was silent.  Something had to be done and it was up to me to do it.

The next day I sat down with the phone book and methodically called each of the mental health clinics listed in the Yellow Pages.  I explained my problem to each of the sympathetic voices that answered in vain.

Just when I was giving up hope, one of the voices suddenly exclaimed, “I just read something that might help you!  Let me go get the article.”
I listened as she read.  The article described a remarkable study done at a nursing home.  All of the patients were under treatment for chronic depression.  Yet their attitudes had improved dramatically when they were given responsibility for a dog.

I drove to the animal shelter that afternoon.  After I filled out a questionnaire, a uniformed officer led me to the kennels.  The odor of disinfectant stung my nostrils as I moved down the row of pens. Each contained five to seven dogs.  Long-haired dogs, curly-haired dogs, black dogs, spotted dogs all jumped up, trying to reach me.

I studied Each one but rejected one after the other for various reasons too big, too small, too much hair.  As I neared the last pen a dog in the shadows of the far corner struggled to his feet, walked to the front of the run and sat down.  It was a pointer, one of the dog world’s aristocrats.  But this was a caricature of the breed.

Years had etched his face and muzzle with shades of gray.  His hip bones jutted out in lopsided triangles.  But it was his eyes that caught and held my attention.  Calm and clear, they beheld me unwaveringly.

I pointed to the dog.  “Can you tell me about him?”  The officer looked, then shook his head in puzzlement.  “He’s a funny one.  Appeared out of nowhere and sat in front of the gate.  We brought him in, figuring someone would be right down to claim him.  That was two weeks ago and we’ve heard nothing. His time is up tomorrow.”  He gestured helplessly.  As the words sank in, I turned to the man in horror.  “You mean you’re going to kill him?”

“Ma’am,” he said gently, “that’s our policy.  We don’t have room for every unclaimed dog.”

I looked at the pointer again.  The calm brown eyes awaited my decision.  “I’ll take him,” I said.  I drove home with the dog on the front seat beside me.  When I reached the house I honked the horn twice.  I was helping my prize out of the car when Dad shuffled onto the front porch.  “Ta-da!  Look what I got for you, Dad!”  I said excitedly.

Dad looked, then wrinkled his face in disgust.  “If I had wanted a dog I would have gotten one.  And I would have picked out a better specimen than that bag of bones.  Keep it!  I don’t want it!”  Dad waved his arm scornfully, and turned back toward the house.

Anger rose inside me.  It squeezed together my throat muscles and pounded into my temples.  “You’d better get used to him, Dad.  He’s staying!”

Dad ignored me.  “Did you hear me, Dad ?” I screamed.  At those words Dad whirled angrily, his hands clenched at his sides, his eyes narrowed and blazing with hate.  We stood glaring at each other like duelists, when suddenly the pointer pulled free from my grasp.  He wobbled toward my dad and sat down in front of him.  Then slowly, carefully, he raised his paw..

Dad ‘s lower jaw trembled as he stared at the uplifted paw.  Confusion replaced the anger in his eyes. The pointer waited patiently.  Then Dad was on his knees hugging the animal.

It was the beginning of a warm and intimate friendship.  Dad named the pointer Cheyenne.  Together he and Cheyenne explored the community.

They spent long hours walking down dusty lanes.  They spent reflective moments on the banks of streams, angling for tasty trout.  They even started to attend Sunday services together, Dad sitting in a pew and Cheyenne lying quietly at is feet.

Dad and Cheyenne were inseparable throughout the next three years.  Dad’s bitterness faded, and he and Cheyenne made many friends.  Then late one night I was startled to feel Cheyenne ‘s cold nose burrowing through our bed covers.  He had never before come into our bedroom at night.  I woke Dick, put on my robe, and ran into my father’s room.  Dad lay in his bed, his face serene.  But his spirit had left quietly sometime during the night.

Two days later my shock and grief deepened when I discovered Cheyenne lying dead beside Dad ‘s bed.  I wrapped his still form in the rag rug he had slept on.  As Dick and I buried him near a favorite fishing hole, I silently thanked the dog for the help he had given me in restoring Dad ‘s peace of mind.

The morning of Dad ‘s funeral dawned overcast and dreary.  This day looks like the way I feel, I thought, as I walked down the aisle to the pews reserved for family.  I was surprised to see the many friends Dad and Cheyenne had made filling the church.  The pastor began his eulogy.  It was a tribute to both Dad and the dog who had changed his life.

And then the pastor turned to Hebrews 13:2: “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.”

“I’ve often thanked God for sending that angel,” he said.
For me, the past dropped into place, completing a puzzle that I had not seen before: the sympathetic voice that had just read the right article, Cheyenne ‘s unexpected appearance at the animal shelter, his calm acceptance and complete devotion to my father, and the proximity of their deaths.  And suddenly I understood.  I knew that God had answered my prayers after all.

God answers our prayers in His time, not ours.

1. Have you noticed new dings, scratches, or dents on the car?

2. Has your loved one recently been in an accident?

3. Are routine errands like going to the grocery store taking a little longer?

4. Is your senior starting to arrive late for appointments and a little flustered when they do arrive?

We all get lost once in awhile or forget where we are going, but if this begins to happen more frequently your senior may need to stop driving.  All of these could be signs that you need to have a conversation about driving safety.  Retesting may give you the empirical data that you need to support your suspicions, but you still need to address the emotional loss before you will be able to get them to voluntarily hang up their keys.  Encourage your loved one to voice their feelings.  Remind them that your primary concern is for their safety and those of others on the road. Many seniors aware that they should no longer be driving continue on because they don’t want to be a burden, fear loss of independence, or feel that there is no other alternative.  Before you broach the subject make sure that you have solutions to all of their concerns or protest.  Contact your city, church or Senior center for a list of driving alternatives such as public transportation, volunteers or agencies that provide transportation.  Have bus schedules and telephone numbers available.  Explore solutions like carpooling with other seniors that still drive.  Enlist family or friends to be available when your senior needs a ride.  Driving grandma or grandpa to appointments can be a great way for grandchildren to strengthen their relationship and pay it forward by providing the same help that they themselves may need one day.  If your loved one is still not convinced, consider enlisting the help of their physician or other professionals.  As a last resort, you may need to disable the car, such as removing spark plugs, or take their keys.

http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_18141802

Caregivers are also available to escort seniors to special occasions such as weddings, parties and other social events. Their caregiver will pick your loved one up at their residence, stay with them during the event and then make sure that they arrive back home.

Here are some of the many activities caregivers can assist with to make life more enjoyable for you and your family:

• Transportation to doctors appointments,
errands, grocery shopping, outings with friends

• Meal preparation

• Medication reminders

• Oral hygiene

• Bathing and dressing

• Eating

• Light housekeeping

• Toileting

• Incontinence care

• Transferring & positioning

• Conversation & Companionship

• Mail management

• Assistance with organization

… as you can see, caregivers from Elder Care LP can help you with anything you want to do during your day. Give us a call at 972-279-2011 if you need help with part or all of your day.